Bachelor Party Pub Crawl

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Arseapalooza was a shit show

Special Fatty Rewind Edition
by @arseinclarse
June 1, 2017

This Memorial Day weekend, my baws and I put together a pub crawl to celebrate all things “Arse” before I get married in a couple of weeks. It was supposed to be a follow-up to the Biloxi excursion for the baws who are married with children. The rules were simple: drink Beam all day and eat at every stop.

I awoke Saturday to prepare my body for the pain that was about to ensue. I did a few stretches, threw on some stretchy fishing shorts and went out to get some breakfast. The event started at 3, so I had plenty of time to get a head start on everyone.

Breakfast at Coulis

I stopped at Coulis. I ordered three eggs over easy and black beans. I was disappointed that they didn’t serve booze, but they are BYOB. The plate came out quickly, and the food was very good. I threw some hot sauce the eggs and beans. The beans were very authentic.

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Pre-game at Lafitte’s

After breakfast, the five doubles from Friday night caught up with me. I had to run home to use the little boys room. After the business was done, I ran to Lafitte’s to get some drinks in before the LSU baseball game. I couldn’t have Arseapalooza without stopping at the best bar in the city. My buddy was there to make sure my cup was always full of Beam.

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Around 11:30, I returned home to watch the Tigers. I threw a few breakfast sausages in the microwave to snack on. They were good and salty.

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Before the game, I took a quick shower and threw on my sexy threads. When Deichmann came up to bat in the first inning, I took some pulls for the handle for luck. He went yard. #pullsfordeichmann

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Pub Crawl Kick-Off at Blue Oak BBQ

After the game, it was show time. We loaded the van and began the excursion. First stop was Blue Oak for wings and things. We got about 100 wings, some nachos, and cracklin. The wings are the best in town. Everyone knows this. We paired the offerings with doubles of Beam.

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Stop 2: Finn McCool’s

Our second stop was Finn’s. It was dark and cool inside, which was perfect for us husky fellows. I ordered pimento cheese, reuben cheese fries and brussels sprouts. Sprouts keep you regular. I was very impressed with the cheese fries and will try to order them again for an early morning rugby game. The Beam continued to flow.

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Stop 3: Cooter Brown’s

Our next stop was Cooter’s, another dark and cool place. Air conditioning is key during May in Nola. Good food and cold drinks are also important. I got more Beam and about six dozen of oysters. They were good and cold. While the baws practiced their dart game, I put on an eating demonstration and spoke about trying to fast to fit into my wedding suit. No one likes a fat, sweaty groom.

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Stop 4: Tchoup Yard

The fourth stop was Tchoup Yard. The Beam continued to flow for most. One guy tapped out and started ordering Shirley Temples with extra grenadine. I ordered a few orders of the crunch wrap supremes from Karibu Kitchen. They’re one of my favorite pop-ups in town. The wraps are full of flavor and pair well with any booze.

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To redeem himself, Shirley Temple boi ordered about 20 shots before heading off to the next stop. They were good, but too sweet for my refined palate. I prefer the finer thinks in life, not shots for college girls.

Stop 5: Avenue Pub

The next stop was Avenue Pub. I don’t recall eating here. All I do remember is enjoying several pours of their delicious Four Roses barrels. I love that shit. It’s a damn good deal.

Stop 6: Midway Pizza

The last stop would be Midway for pie and booze. By this time of night, most were ready to tap out. I don’t recall most of the events. We ordered about 4 pies, pigs in a blanket and more booze. When all was consumed, the police showed up to have us removed. Some people just couldn’t handle Arsapalooza.

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When I got home, I took care of some injuries and received a call from my brother. Somewhere between Avenue Pub and Midway, we busted two windows on the rental. I’m glad we got the insurance.

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On Sunday, I awoke with a little pain. But it was the Lord’s day and one of my baws wanted to go to mass to experience the greatest mass in the world. He scooped me up and 8:30, and we headed to church. He was still wearing his shirt from the night before. Jesus don’t judge.

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After mass, we headed to Lafitte’s to drink. He was headed back home to cut grass. I had Monday off, so Sunday would be a drinking day. The Beam started flowing around 11. After two, I headed to Angeline to meet the little lady for brunch with her friend.

Brunch at Angeline

I started drinking Four Rouses there. I started with fried pickles. For my entree I went with the burger with pimento cheese and a fried egg. The pickles were very good, along with the burger. For dessert, I went with blueberry pie. I’ve had better.

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After lunch, I returned to Lafitte’s to continue pounding Beam. Around 5, the gals wanted to go swim at the Monteleone. I wanted weenies. I ordered and Uber. They went to the pool.

I had the driver drop me off at Rouses so I could grab some weenies and canned chili. When I got home, I prepared my meal. I then created one of the sexiest videos ever made by man.

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I cleaned off the plate and passed out on the couch. It was a good weekend.

Stay fat, my friends.