The June Fatty Rewind

fatty rewind june 2017

First weekend back from Mexico, and I got stupid

By arseinclarse

The past three weeks have been crazy. I got married and went to Mexico for a week. The weeks leading up to the wedding were insane. Between making sure the vendors were all lined up, work and pre-wedding parties, my life was upside down. To compensate for the craziness, I just relied on the Beam to carry me through.

During the week in Mexico, I ate and drank all day. My stomach was poisoned. Our resort offered free top shelf booze and food all day. Every dinner was a seven course meal. I may have put on ten pounds during my stay. At least I was able to lose some of the liquid weight in their many pools.

I finally arrived back in Nola around 1 am on Monday. My body was hurting. I got home and passed out. I was out the door at 7 to head into work.

The work week passed slower than my 40 time. By Friday, I was ready to party. And I did.

Upon entry into my house, I was ready to pour some Beam. The Tigers had just beaten OSU, and it was 5:30. I poured a stiff one and waited for the little lady to return from her hair appointment. Luckily, it took longer than I suspected and I was able to pour another round for myself.


When she walked in, she told me she was starving. I decided to walk to Port Orleans and eat at Stokehold.

Stokehold Restaurant @ Port Orleans

I’m not much a beer enthusiast so I went with a lager. They didn’t tell me anything about my go cup of Beam, which tasted better in my opinion.

For the meal I ordered the wagyu beef tacos, halloumi, and patty melt. Everything was very delicious. The patty melt may bring world peace to all parts of the world if offered. My god that thing was glorious. It comes with a layer of melted raclette. If that raclette covered Danny Devito, I may become gay for a taste. This burger is definitely in my top 3 at the moment.


After dinner, I wanted to keep pounding the Beam. I had eaten a ton, so it would take a lot to get a buzz. I went back to my porch and kicked back a fifth. I brought the party back inside after the mosquitos began to enjoy the Beam in my veins more than I was.


I must have passed out during the FL/TCU game since I awoke around 3 on the couch. I stumbled to bed for a few more hours of rest before getting my Saturday going.

Around 7, I was out of the door and getting my car washed. The labor intensive wash drove my hunger up. Before getting my dry cleaning, I stopped in at the Please-U Restaurant.

Please-U Restaurant

I got two eggs over easy, sausage and hot cakes. For $7, I was very happy. Those cakes were thick, and I lathered them in butter and syrup.


I finished running my errands around noon. I called my baw up in Metry to see if he wanted to try Ben’s Burgers out.

Ben’s Burgers

Ben’s is the former Bud’s on Clearview. It’s 24 hours and sells beer, burgers, dogs, etc. I was told by a buddy to try the “Big Ben.” It’s a burger with two patties, dressed, cheese, chili, fries and fry sauce. I got it with a Budweiser. They weren’t selling Beam.

I loved it. I would likely make love to it at 3 am after a good bender. I didn’t have any issues eating it with only my hands. My baw needed the assistance of a spoon. My appendages are like silverware. I even lick them dry if they have left over chili on them.


After lunch, I ran to Lafitte’s to catch the second LSU/OSU game. The bar was kind of packed, but the LSU derelicts were able to lay claim to the area around the bar. We played some jams, while LSU was beating that ass.


Around the 6th inning, I had to leave the bar to meet the lady at her friend’s house to watch the end of the game. Upon victory, I threw on some Hall and Oates and rallied to troops to go drink at Parlay’s.

At Parlay’s, I kept the Beam flowing.


After three doubles and getting bit by a dog, I decided it was time to eat.


We walked to Mondo. I grabbed a refreshing drink (have no clue what it was) and perused the menu. I got the devilled eggs, pear and prosciutto pizza, warm gorgonzola, chicken liver pate, and fried halloumi. I devoured the eggs and pate. The gorgonzola was also very good. The pizza was ok, and the halloumi at Stokehold was better. 5n3kivec0cn0ytgejf3apyf8c5zgxtph3bzbaj36gz

After the round of food was demolished, my inner fat boy came out and started demanding dessert. Instead of getting one, I got two. I went with the peanut butter pie and blueberry pie. Both pies were outstanding. I should have gotten another round, but the lady would have been embarrassed.oe66meqan3ltrf

After dinner, I was wasted and full. I ordered an Uber to head back Uptown. During the ride, my driver was impressed with my knowledge of NORD football in Nola East. I was reminiscing about my glory days as a Kenilworth Chief, while the driver was telling me about his numerous city championships at Pontchartrain. When he dropped me off, he got out the car to give me a hug. The lady was a little freaked out.

On Sunday, I went to mass. During the Lord’s prayer, my stomach began to growl. I’m sure the people in the 5 pews in front of me could here that angry beast roaring.

While I was walking back to my seat after communion, I brainstormed as to what was in the vicinity to grab after mass. I decided on Krystal. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get to Krystal because of construction.

Luckily, I was able to get to Willie’s Chicken.

Willie’s Chicken

I grabbed a 3 piece mixed combo and headed to Lafitte’s. It hit the spot.


Around 12, the lady told me she wanted to grab some brunch. I’m always open to a booze filled breakfast, so I headed uptown to meet her at the Bakery Bar.

Bakery Bar

I started with some tea cocktail.


For the breakfast, I went with cheesy, bacon grits, a pimento cheese sandwich and a breakfast board. The board was legit along with the grits. The sandwich was the star of the show. It had some heat to it.


While eating, I changed my drink order to coffee and old fashioneds. They were pretty damn good.


After we were done, I told the wife that we couldn’t go into the Bakery Bar and not get doberge. She agreed. I got a slice of peanut butter cup doberge and a funfetti salty ball. They were both delicious.


When I got back home, I threw on the tv and passed out. I was awaken by my mother who called to tell me she was on the way over to drop some shit off. I had totally forgotten that we spoke the day before about it. It must have been the Beam.

Since my place was a mess, I told them to meet me at Port Orleans. The lady was pissed with me, and I thought beer and another patty melt would resolve all issues. They certainly did. By the time we left, she was smiling.


After my parents left, we walked back home. She passed out. I watched some television and baked an Amy’s pizza. I went to bed happy.


Stay fat, my friends.

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