Mardi Gras Rewind, The Finale

Today is Ash Wednesday, and our last Fatty Rewind is in the books for 45 days as local Instagrammer, @arseinclarse, turns away from sin during Lent. Check out his Mardi Gras Shenanigans Weekend Part 2!:

Well wasn’t Mardi Gras 2017 fun. The weather was the nicest it’s been in about five years. 70 degree temps on Saturday and Sunday make the freaks come out from everywhere.

On Friday, I left work early to park my car somewhat close to my place. The first thing I had to do was season the two filet loins I picked up for Bacchus. Once that was done, I grabbed a few finger sandwiches and started some fine porch drinking. I also walked along Napoleon to enjoy some of Hermes’ floats.

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After the little lady got ready, we walked to our spot on St. Charles. We stopped along the way to drink with some friends on Prytania. They had a cool pimp in the crowd. I wasn’t messing with him. By looking at his knuckles, I could tell his slap was impressive.

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My first meal on the route was chicken on a stick. It came with three huge tenders deep fried to perfection. I bought it from some carnies who must make a killing during Mardi Gras. That stick cost me $10.

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After the food was flowing, it was time for the Beam. Bottles were consumed on the reg. I think I put down two fifths on day one.

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As the parades rolled, I kept running to Sacred Heart to buy some weenies. They were pretty good and a lot cheaper than the carnies’ options. I even shared some of beans with a tourist. He was happy.

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After the parades rolled by, I walked back to Sacred Heart to bargain on some weenies. Everyone knows they had to sell the weenies they cooked. I bargained and got 5 for $5. Cha-ching!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The krewe then headed back to our place to eat some more and drink, while the traffic died down. I went to town on more finger sandwiches, doberge cake and nuts. The nuts keep me regular.

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After everyone left, I passed out. I had to be on the route for 7 to assist my buddy with the spot. On the way over, I stopped at Rouses for breakfast. Their hot food line looked like shit. While walking to the register, I saw a pork butt. It looked good to me, so I grabbed one and some pistolettes. It hit the spot.

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Friends and family started showing up around 10. I was feeling no pain. A buddy brought a tray of chicken minis from Chic-fil-A. I took down at least 10 of them.

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I then went to town on some Dong Phuong king cake. Ya’ll may not believe this, but I was not a fan. It was too rich for me.

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Once the parades started rolling, I decided to sit back and relax. The sun was out and I wanted to drink. I took cover in the shade with my Beam, weenies, and more beans. They were all great.

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After Iris broke down, I walked home to porch drink with the little lady. We wanted to watch Tucks from the house. I had to get some rest and head back to the spot for 7 to hold it down. While walking home, I think Jesus pissed a little sunlight onto me. Napoleon was packed.

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When Tucks passed, I went in and took a 10 minute power nap. When they opened the streets up, we headed to Ancora for a quick dinner. I ordered an old fashioned, burrata, cheese gnocchi, and meatballs. It was a homerun, and a great meal before having to start drinking again.

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After dinner, I ran the lady home and walked to Fat’s. I had the first shift of the night. I ordered a double Beam and threw some classics on the juke box. The bar wasn’t too crowded because of Endymion, but I was shocked the college kids were moving to “Thong Song.” They had to be three when that song was released.

I then sat on the neutral ground and sipped on some Beam I found. Once that was gone, I raided my buddy’s ice chest for some beers.

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Around 10 I headed to bed. I had to get up at 4:30 to roast the loins before showing back up on the avenue for 7. There is no time to relax during Mardi Gras. It’s a sprint until the end.

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I would have to make the trek between Fat’s and my house several times throughout the day. It about a ten block walk. Since I was a little tired and not drunk yet, I decided to Uber for the first trip. For my ride, I made a drink to-go and grabbed a McKenzie’s buttermilk drop. It hit the spot.

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While we were sitting down, our buddy ran us some homemade bacon and sausage biscuits. They were both ridiculous. The sausage was my favorite. It was on a Hawaiian roll and covered with syrup.

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Around 10, I walked back home to grab the lady and the loins. While there, I grabbed a piece of French king cake. It was delicious.

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Bacchus Sunday is our throw down day. When I got back to the spot, it was time to cook and get wasted. First up on the grill was venison sausage and pork ribs. They were retarded.

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Throughout the day, we cooked two sacks of oysters, 120 lbs of crawfish, loins, and some other shit. It was a fun day. I’ll just post a bunch of the pictures of the food in lieu of attempting to describe everything. I was happy to have a grill master, since I was pretty much drunk all day. Old baw could get that grill to 600 with no problem. It was perfect for searing the filet.

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Before Bacchus rolled, some young entrepreneurs of New Orleans set up shop behind us. They were offering red weenies, hot sausage nachos, burgers and fried fish. Since the main guy was husky, I decided to try his offerings. I went with the nachos and fish. They were both nasty. The nacho cheese was cold and the fish was mushy. Never again will I be fooled by impromptu road side grilling.

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I tossed the food and decided to polish off the rest of the crawfish. That was the best decision I made all weekend.

After the parade, we ran home to let the traffic die down. On the walk, I chugged what was left of some rose’. It was pretty good and refreshing. It cleansed my breathe from the Beam.bbweeha

While the crews cleaned the streets, I sipped on some Beam. Since it looked like it would take a long time, we walked to 45 Tchoup to get some more alcohol. This wasn’t a great decision, since I had to go to work on Monday.

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On Monday morning, I was breathing fire. Before work, I threw on some pork shoulders to slow roast all day. We had some family and friends coming over to watch Orpheus.

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After work, I quickly cleaned the house of any clutter and tried on my costume for Mardi Gras. I was hoping I didn’t gain any weight and would have to make some adjustments.

I went to town on the pork sliders and baked macaroni we cooked. I even fed some of New Orleans finest. They didn’t want to bring it back on the bus to share, so I offered them my living room to eat.

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Around 9:30, I believe everyone left the house. I made another drink and passed out.

On Fat Tuesday, I awoke at 6. I showered, chugged some immodium and made a bloody. My body was struggling, but I wouldn’t give up.

I ordered an Uber and made it to the Quarter around 8 for St. Ann. My first stop was Lafitte’s. My costume was fabulous.

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After three doubles before 9:30, I decided to walk to the Marigny. It was packed. First stop was R Bar, then we walked to Marigny Brasserie. The Brasserie was pretty empty and had clean bathrooms. I made myself comfortable there for a few minutes.

We then walked back to the R Bar. I found a guy that won Mardi Gras. I can’t wait to reach the age of “I don’t give a fuck about anything.” This guy won Mardi Gras for me.

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After the R Bar, we ran to Richelieu. I ordered a double Beam, bacon, eggs, cheese grits and fruit. It was a very good meal, but it’s difficult to eat with gloves on.

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From there, we returned to Lafitte’s for more drinks. By this time of day, the corner and bar were packed. I decided to jump from house party to house party. My favorite spread of the day was this one. I went to town on the corn dogs, crawfish dip and meatball sliders.

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I then enjoyed some boudin king cake with a New Orleans “legend” at his gal’s place. I had never tried boudin king cake in the past, and I loved it. It was spicy and savory.

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After drinking a few beers on my pals’ balcony, we decided to call it a wrap. I ubered home and ordered a pizza from Theo’s. That greasy pie put an exclamation point on the afternoon. I passed out fat and happy.

Today is a new day. It’s Lent!!!! My annual cleanse has started.

Stay fat, my friends.